A life of Honesty

At Church this week the message was all about living honestly. They talked about how we must embrace the good things and the bad at the same time. How can it make sense that we can enjoy the beauty of life and the sadness and disappointment we feel at the same time? The message was based on Psalm 13, in which David cries out to God, sharing his hurt and frustration, but also praising and thanking HIm. He embraces his pain and frustration with God, "How long will you forget me?" How many times have i cried out to God, "How long." How long until I get a hold on this struggle in my life, how long will i be single, how long, how long...? These things are real struggles, things that don't have easy or simple solutions. Things that can make me feel isolated and lonely, distant from God. How can I fully embrace these feelings, be honest with God, myself and others, when i am also aware of how much joy I have in my life.

I am so thankful to have had the opportunity to come to Seattle and be a part of YWAM Seattle. To have visited so many places, and met so many incredible people. So blessed to have such an amazing support system in my life. A family, friends and a home church that not only support me both in prayer and financiallly but continue to be interested in what is happening in my life and encourage me all the time! I am part of a wonderful community, people who are invested in me and care a lot. People who don't just keep things surface-y but want to go deeper, and challenge me in so many ways.

I am so happy when I can look out of the window on days like today and see the sun shining and see the beauty of creation. How blessed that I have a wonderful second family here in Seattle, that i get to see Zara growing up, and to have her as a reminder of how amazing this world is; to laugh with her and see how excited she gets about little things in life that I take for granted, and don't think about being note-worthy at all - like crayons for example!


I don't know if I will ever fully know how to do this 'life' thing well, but I am trying, i guess that's all we are asked to do?! It is a relief to know that living in the space between the hard to understand, conflicting thoughts and feelings is one of the things that unites us as people. We just have to make space for both. Fully entering into life with someone means being there through the good and the bad, sometimes at the same time. For us to be known by others we must contiue to try and be honest, not edited. Sharing without fear, isn't that what we're called to? A life of vulnerability and intimacy.

Let the process continue. I hope you find peace and comfort in this psalm also.

Psalm 13

1 O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?
How long will you look the other way?
2 How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart every day?
How long will my enemy have the upper hand?
3 Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
4 Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!”
Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.

5 But I trust in your unfailing love.
I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
6 I will sing to the Lord
because he is good to me.

Memorial Day Bar-B-Q!

In England there was Bank holiday Monday, but here in the States we celebrated Memorial Day today. My friends, Sean and Heather had a big celebration and invited people over for a Bar-B-Q. The weather had been up and down all day, but as the party began at about 4pm the sun was shining.

It was so much fun to see so many friends all in one place; people i work with in YWAM, people i used to work with, former students as well as new friends were all there. We ate lots of good food, and enjoyed our time together. Here are just a few pics to share with you.
The garden

Heather and I

All the food, yummy! (and 2 pregnant bellies!)

Grillin'

Post Church thoughts...

I am always frustrated by how quickly the new ideas, thoughts and teaching seems to seep out of my brain as I leave church on Sunday. I am hoping that writing this blog will help me retain some of tonights message and help me apply it practically to my life.

Tonight I was the final sermon from II Samuel, and the series on the life of David we (Bethany Community Church, Seattle) have been doing since last winter. The message was from II Samuel, chapter 22 "David's last Song"

There were lots of good points but i just want to share a couple that i have been left thinking through. The first one if that David knew the reality of God's provision, and that it is only in our moments of need, that we cry out and can truly know His provision. If we live a life of safety it can make us complacent and arrogant, but if we always live a little beyond what we can do alone we will know God as he comes and meets us in our need as he provides.

How easy it is to live in comfort, I know I do a lot, hold back from dreaming big with God because of fear of what that might mean, and fear that I am unable to make it happen for myself. When that is exactly where God wants be to be. Standing with my hands raised, palms open, vulnerable and desperate for Him.

The other thought which i really appreciated was about the story of our lives and how God works to weave that with us. In II Sam 22, so many times David talks about how he has done something "I chased my enemies and destroyed them", (38) but at the same time as being grateful to God, he names him as his source, "you have armed we with strength for the battle" (40) Back and forth, David is thankful of what he was able to do, and acknowledging God as the source. It really is such an amazing illustration of God weaving the stories of our lives together with us. Stories of gratitude and transformation.

Rarely does God give us specific answers to the big questions we ask of him about our lives, but he will give us the next step to take and as we are obedient we learn more about God's character in each step. When I look back on my life, what are the final words I will be singing? Will i have chosen a safe life, or will i look back on a life of adventure with God? I hope it can be in the same vein as David, that even though i am far from perfect, I will know and face the consequencs of my human faliure, but still recognise God's hand firmly on my life, and praise Him for the blessings I have known, and the story he wrote with my life.

Please Lord, give me courage to go where you send me, to love those who croos my path and to be the woman you had in mind when you created me.

Back in Seattle!

Just a quick note to say I arrived safely back in Seattle, immigration was very smooth so thank you for all your prayers.

Now what? A question I have been asked by others and asking myself a lot recently. I wish there was a simple answer - there is a simple answer but it involves me making solid choices, and that is where i struggle.

I have a lot of options to choose from, all good paths to take.

We were talking in a staff meeting the other day about the privilege of choice. I had started to feel frustrated with the process of choosing and planning the next step I want to take, and this reminded me just how blessed I am to even have the opportunity to choose based on what i would like or feel called to do rather than simply doing things to survive.

I am really interested in getting some training in Christian counselling. So much of my job entails doing this in a certain capacity and I am eager to have more to offer the students. I have been thinking about this for a while but now feel it is time to take action, and decide the when and where of it - I will keep you posted.

It has been good to be back here in Seattle, it has been really nice to catch up with friends here, and get back into the swing of life.

We are in the process of changing our DTS program, we will be extending it from 5 months to nearer 9 months. We believe this will allow us time with the students post outreach, to process all their learning and experience more thoroughly and help make the transition to life after YWAM easier. We also hope it will give us the opportunity to better prepare our students for the next steps they are taking in life. Our desire is that DTS will be so much more than 5 months they once had which don't relate at all to their "real lives", we want the things they learn and experience to go with them in to life.

This is taking lots of meetings and planning. Please be praying for us as we decide details of what this program will look like and also for potential students not to be put off by the extra time and money and that this fall the right students will be here. (We accepted our first student today!!!)

Another BIG, actually HUGE thing that is happening here in YWAM Seattle is that we are moving forward trying to buy the grey house. We have never owned property but believe that this is a step God is wanting us to take. The house costs $715,000.

We are starting our fund-raising efforts now and sending out letters and such next week. Our website will be updated with an online donation link too. This is a really exciting but also busy and slightly anxious time also for all of us. Please pray for God's provision to be known, for us to contact the right people and for this house to be a testimony of God's faithfulness, that for years to some will be full of students loving this city for God.