A life of Honesty

At Church this week the message was all about living honestly. They talked about how we must embrace the good things and the bad at the same time. How can it make sense that we can enjoy the beauty of life and the sadness and disappointment we feel at the same time? The message was based on Psalm 13, in which David cries out to God, sharing his hurt and frustration, but also praising and thanking HIm. He embraces his pain and frustration with God, "How long will you forget me?" How many times have i cried out to God, "How long." How long until I get a hold on this struggle in my life, how long will i be single, how long, how long...? These things are real struggles, things that don't have easy or simple solutions. Things that can make me feel isolated and lonely, distant from God. How can I fully embrace these feelings, be honest with God, myself and others, when i am also aware of how much joy I have in my life.

I am so thankful to have had the opportunity to come to Seattle and be a part of YWAM Seattle. To have visited so many places, and met so many incredible people. So blessed to have such an amazing support system in my life. A family, friends and a home church that not only support me both in prayer and financiallly but continue to be interested in what is happening in my life and encourage me all the time! I am part of a wonderful community, people who are invested in me and care a lot. People who don't just keep things surface-y but want to go deeper, and challenge me in so many ways.

I am so happy when I can look out of the window on days like today and see the sun shining and see the beauty of creation. How blessed that I have a wonderful second family here in Seattle, that i get to see Zara growing up, and to have her as a reminder of how amazing this world is; to laugh with her and see how excited she gets about little things in life that I take for granted, and don't think about being note-worthy at all - like crayons for example!


I don't know if I will ever fully know how to do this 'life' thing well, but I am trying, i guess that's all we are asked to do?! It is a relief to know that living in the space between the hard to understand, conflicting thoughts and feelings is one of the things that unites us as people. We just have to make space for both. Fully entering into life with someone means being there through the good and the bad, sometimes at the same time. For us to be known by others we must contiue to try and be honest, not edited. Sharing without fear, isn't that what we're called to? A life of vulnerability and intimacy.

Let the process continue. I hope you find peace and comfort in this psalm also.

Psalm 13

1 O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?
How long will you look the other way?
2 How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart every day?
How long will my enemy have the upper hand?
3 Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
4 Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!”
Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.

5 But I trust in your unfailing love.
I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
6 I will sing to the Lord
because he is good to me.